Raw

I feel

Raw…

 

For yesterday, I tried, 

To be my strongest  

But I didn't last.

I went to you shaken.

I don't know why I, if I’m entirely honest,

My body weak,

My mind tangled,

Haunted by our past.

Frail, I admit that my mind is in limbo,

Do I take you back?

And do I forgive?

 

As the demons raised more walls and protested violently.

And in corner sat a child, amongst the muffled cacophony

reaching out as the abyss pulled him back. 

Poisoning what joy I felt,

My grief came in torrents 

As I shouted my truth,

 

You bring me happiness!

And immeasurable pain!

And a quick forgiveness felt like the darkest betrayal,

the greatest dishonour, to throw away an armour,

built so strong,

Shielding me when none in this fetid world would.

I could scream…that you weren’t there.

 

You bore the silence, the wrath and my voluble fury

For we have been here before, but not quite so,

As you allowed the protests,

the walls continued to fracture,

The fortress had fallen,

The turrets fell to their ruin,

For my heart has never been so sure

It had held this truth, that it longed for your return.

And even amidst the tortured screams,

It cried for the child who needed his friend

Who, even as he reached for the light through the cracks,

found only the weight of agonising memory.

 

The silence pressed heavy,

a silence, and an apology,

I am torn open for the rage still sharpens me,

and tenderness betrays me.

And we agree, the past, it cannot not be buried.

 

I look forward,

Still uncertain, if love is enough,

if forgiveness is the kind death we need

even as my mind plans new walls.

 

I end now, aching for peace,

terrified of it, but knowing well

No greater love, did I ever feel or ever felt,

As we build grand castles from the rubble and love. 

I write this, and I weep…

 

“I missed you, so…so much”

Bridge

A bridge between hearts, 

It sways in a storm's harsh breath, 

tested, yet it holds.  

Poem

No poems I'll write

The light in my life is gone

numb, words escape me

Block

This is a haiku 

This counts as a poem right?

There, the block is gone now! 

goddammit!! 

Light

Call yourself the light? 

when all you bring is darkness.

like long winter nights. 

your cold words sting and cut deep

I long for your warm kindness. 

Second Love

We grew close

Like a moth to a roaring fire

I clutched a rose though I knew well

of the thorns it bore

Yet you surprised me 

Oh dear! look at what I've done

I said rubbing my tear soaked hands

My burnt flesh in scars 

And away went the moth to seek kindness 

Elsewhere

First Love

Fist love,

and it wasn't infatuation.

For that age I could not tell though,

it felt true, like deep admiration.

 

The end was upon us

and I cursed the Gods,

I wept my wells dry

sewed presents against odds.

 

With each stitch, it grew dark

and I pressed on,

I hoped you'd remember

after WE were gone.

 

We split apart

how unthinking was I,

I didn't water it

and I watched it die.

 

Now you hate me.

I think I hate you?

I shook my fist at the Gods

and at the mirror

yet the fault is mine,

Should I have been on a path not chosen?

Would you have stayed if I had spoken?

Should I have said words when the light faded?

What should I do for us to be kinder?